I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
