I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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