Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
