You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
