I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
