She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
