When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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