dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
