I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
