i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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