How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
