Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
