its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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