Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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