this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize