I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
