he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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