We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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