Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
