i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
