Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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