Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
