Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
