I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
