Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
