I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
