She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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