We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
