Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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