All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
