I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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