Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
