I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
