Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
