ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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