Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
