I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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