hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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