when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
