there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
