the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
