Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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