I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
