if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
