And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
