Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
