I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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