Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
