dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
