We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
