my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
as a side note pls kill me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
