it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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