You can't motorboat a personality
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
