She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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