based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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