He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
