i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
