saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
